Hey everyone, so just to warn you this is a bit of a rambling post. A sort of ‘thinking out loud’ post if you will. I’m not too sure what the point of this post was to be honest, I just felt like I needed to get some feelings out.
Who Do you Want To Be?
This is a question I ask myself a lot. Nearly every day I ask myself ‘who do you want to be?’. It seems like such a simple question but the more you delve into it the harder it is to answer.
Where do you see yourself in 10 years? What kind of person do you want to be? How are you going to get there?
It freaks me out to say the least. I think it can be so daunting thinking about the future sometimes (a mix between it seeming so far away yet so close at the same time). Trying to figure out what you want can be super scary, I feel like sometimes I have very limited options but it really is important to remember you’re only limited as much as you limit yourself. It sounds cheesy but you are the master of your own destiny.
It’s something I question a lot and at times I think ‘why?’ Do other people think this? It’s a question I constantly try to answer as at the moment I feel lost but at the same time sort of accomplished like yes i’m not where I thought i’d be at 22. A young me had dreams of being a married receptionist, living in Africa at 22 (really odd and specific I know, I was a strange child) or thinking i’d be a super successful actress. How strange is it to think of what we wanted when we were younger – maybe I would have been closer to what I wanted if i’s planned more? All I can think about is how a younger me was so sure of herself and now as I get older I sort of find myself getting more confused and anxious about these decisions. I guess it has something to do with how real it all seems now, how your actions are always going to effect your life in some way. I get really scared sometimes of being stuck in the same place forever, that I’m always going to want a little bit more.
Then it’s the whole thing of trying to not let fear get the best of you because I know I have been in the position many times that I’ve let me fears get in the way of what I want. It took me a very long time to feel confident enough to start a blog, I am so glad that I finally put my fears aside as I’ve found so much joy in blogging and being a part of the community. As a person I find that I can get really scared by the little things, even silly things like posting videos of me talking on Instagram, it was something that I wanted to do for a really long time but always felt embarrassed about my voice or how I’d come across to others.
I guess it’s all about trying new things and trying to find what you love from that. I’m feeling super lost at the moment and for a bit I did lose interest in a lot of things including blogging but I am starting to feel more motivated again. For a little while I was getting super stressed and upset about not knowing what I want in life and that had a knock on effect and made me feel bad about my blog and decisions I was making. I think times like that it’s super important to take a step back and think hey, there’s no time limit. You don’t have to know what you want to do with the rest of your life at 22, you don’t have to be married by 30. I feel like society puts so much pressure on us sometimes it’s hard to remember that were all unique and will do things at our own pace.
I feel like this post is a little bit of a mess but it’s something that I have been thinking about for a really long time and I just felt like I wanted to get it out there. I’d absolutely love to hear any advice you have or even if you can just relate to the way I’m feeling at the moment.
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