Let’s talk about being ghosted after an interview

So the other day I wrote a tweet about something that was really bugging me, the response that I had to the tweet was amazing and made me realise how i’m not alone in feeling how I was.

Anyway after this tweet I decided that I wanted to write this blog post as I have a lot to say about this particular topic.

Being rejected from a job can feel super shitty but do you know what feels 100 times worse? Not hearing anything back at all.

Feeling like you’re not even worth a rejection or a reply. I’ve been applying for jobs and going to interviews quite frequently over past year or so. Not one job that I went for contacted me to reject me after my interview (something I didn’t realise until now) even though every one of them said they’d contact me either way to let me know and give me feedback. I find it extremely unprofessional and disheartening. It’s a knock to the confidence when it happens so often as well.

Just to be clear this post isn’t me feeling sorry for myself or feeling salty that I didn’t get a job. My issue is with the fact that after putting so much effort in that I still have to chase up the interviewer for a rejection.

Most recently when it happened I felt so down and like I wanted to give up and not bother. I absolutely hate this feeling as it’s crushing. I feel like there are so many stages for job applications nowadays which I do understand but when you have to go to 2 interviews and complete an online test surely it should be a legal requirement for the company to get back to you.

In some cases my emails have been ignored so I never even get a response, I just have to take the hint. I find it awful how companies say ‘we’ll let you know either way but Friday’ and just never contact you. The whole day then you’re just sat waiting there nervously for a phone call you’ll never get. What is the point of lying about it? It makes me feel foolish that I even expected them to call me and that’s so wrong on so many levels.

Is it just me that find this incredibly unprofessional and dehumanising?? It makes me feel like my time isn’t valued. I may not be right for the position or what you were looking for but I deserve respect.

I understand these companies are busy and whatever but even sending out an automated rejection is better than just pretending that the interview never happened.

If I am unsuccessful in an interview I’d appreciate feedback, i’m sure that many of you feel like this too. Feedback can be super helpful and let you know where you went wrong and how to improve your interview technique. I usually always send an email requesting feedback and 8/10 I either get ignored or get a response saying there were ‘stronger candidates’… how is that feedback???? I’m so fed up of this feeling and surely I can’t be the only one.

I have worried about that interview for days, weeks. I spent time researching the company and thinking about interview questions. I spent time on my application and online tests. I spent money on new interview clothes and had to change a shifts at work in order to be able to attend the interview. Surely it’s not ‘too much’ of me to ask for you to (at the very least) get back to me.

I just don’t get the reasoning behind it either like surely it’s easier to send out rejection emails rather than having to respond individually to each enquiry about the result? I don’t understand it.

I’d love to hear your views on this post. If you agree or disagree with what I’ve said then I’d love to hear from you. I think post ended up a little ranty but it’s something that really gets to me.

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18 Comments

  1. March 21, 2018 / 4:59 pm

    A truly professional company would respond back – that is professional courtesy to the job seeker – it can be as cold and informal as a “thank you for applying but…” type of response, but you took the time and effort to apply and meet to discuss your qualifications for their open position – the least they could do is let you know the status of the meeting.

    Great post!

    • Grace
      March 21, 2018 / 6:15 pm

      Exactly like just shows what kind of company it is when they ignore all courtesy and just ignore you. Exactly like don’t need anything fancy, just some sort of update would be helpful. Thank you! It’s something I really wanted to get out there.

  2. March 21, 2018 / 8:47 pm

    A company that thinks it’s okay to throw basic manners out the window is probably not that great to work for either, and who knows how they’d treat you if you actually got the job… I take it as a blessing! xx

    • Grace
      March 21, 2018 / 10:10 pm

      That’s true, if they act like this before then they can’t be that brilliant. Just frustrating how a company can be so rude and just flat out ignore an email! Yes that’s the best way to think xx

  3. Bex
    March 22, 2018 / 5:44 am

    Great post! You are absolutely right about respect. I have held interviews and have hated telling someone they haven’t got the position. I also dread giving feedback. But I do it because I empathise with the candidate, and I have to suck up that personal discomfort. Its called being a grown up! And at the end of the day I am probably gaving a much better day than the unsuccessful jobseekers. I like your idea about legislation but really organisations should have common decency to already have feedback processes in place. Keep your chin up and keep applying and try not to let the xxxxxxxxs grind you down.

    • Grace
      March 22, 2018 / 10:00 am

      Thank you Bex! It’s great to hear your view from the other side as well. Can understand it’s an awkward conversation to have but you’re right, we’re grown ups and knowing a definite answer us so much better than just not hearing. Exactly like must show something about them as a company to just do that. Thank you Bex, i’ll try to!xxx

  4. March 23, 2018 / 10:06 am

    I totally understand how shitty that feels Grace, and agree with you, its unprofessional and unfair. I have been on both sides of the fence. In my spa, I would arrange interviews to have people not turn up, no phone call, nothing. I have also had occasion where I have offered the job to someone, for them to not come back to me! Its crazy how bad mannered both sides can be. I think companies should have an obligation to give feedback to interviewees, even if its just a standard response. Its rude and discouraging.

    • Grace
      March 23, 2018 / 3:49 pm

      It’s so bad. There should be that feeling of mutual respect. I’d never dream of doing that, it’s just so rude. If you have a scheduled interview and you can’t make it then it’s only right you call/email and especially if you were offered the job. It’s awful. I think people nowadays just want to avoid the awkward conversation and feel no obligation to do the right thing. Me too, think even if it’s the most basic responce then it helps. Thanks for your comment Kerry xxx

  5. Chomeusewithachou
    March 23, 2018 / 10:20 am

    I agree – it is seriously unprofessional. I can understand the feeling of being a bag of nerves, waiting for an answer, and then for it not to come is so demoralising. Don’t give up though! Every interview is always good practice in itself. I hope you get good news very soon!

    • Grace
      March 23, 2018 / 3:47 pm

      It really is, I just think that there’s no real reason for not giving an answer other than maybe time/not wanting the hard conversation but at the end of the day it’s the right thing to do. Thank you, really appreciate it! True like just gives me a bit more practice, good way to think of it x

  6. March 23, 2018 / 11:36 am

    It is one of the worst feelings to not hear a response back. I remember after this one interview, where I had to create an entire powerpoint presentation, go through a long interview call, write a cover letter and answer their questionnaire (all before meeting in person), she phoned me after and told me I didn’t get it. When I asked why, she said I don’t have anything bad to say, you were perfect but others were more experienced.
    But I wish she could have explained in what way they were more experienced as it was an entry level position. I think jobs do require far to much from people now. The standard interview process has been changed to all these other activities that are so time consuming.
    I think candidates at the final stages, do deserve to hear a response back on why the job wasn’t for them. Even if it’s a couple of sentences in an email. It is rude and disheartening. Keep your head up though. I’ve had times where I was repeatedly rejected, only till months later I got something even better. x

    • Grace
      March 23, 2018 / 3:45 pm

      It really is. I just felt so unvalued and like They thought I didn’t deserve the effort of a call/email. Exactly like when you have to do all that before even meeting them it would be good of them to give you more indepth feedback. I feel like nowadays everyones in such a rush but do they not think that this feedback can really help.
      Me too, I think that it’s only fair especially when you’ve put so much effort into the process.
      Thank you sweetie. Yeah just feeling bit disheartened and rejected at the moment, need to not let it get to me x

  7. March 23, 2018 / 11:47 am

    In Canada, I would say that 98% of companies would respond after an interview, I’ve never heard of anyone who doesn’t. The exception would be retail and serving jobs- I’ve asked friends who have been managers in those industries in the past, and they said it unfortunately comes down to sheer numbers. They will interview 8 people for 1 position, and at 10-15 minutes a call (because people do ask for feedback), that’s two hours of phone calls. I’ve been there, and it is frustrating, but at the same point, it does send the message. My friends did all say that they were happy to offer feedback if someone reached out after their interview, though!

    • Grace
      March 23, 2018 / 3:43 pm

      It’s awful in the UK, feel like it’s very rare to get a rejection call/email. Yes can understand it’s annoying but even sending an email can help a little bit. I think it’s just common courtesy and that employers need to be more mindful sometimes and think there is actually another person waiting to hear from them. Thanks for commenting, love hearing others thoughts xx

  8. March 23, 2018 / 1:21 pm

    I think they should email when someone doesn’t get the job. It is the professional thing to do. Even a form email would be better than nothing. At that point if the individual wants feedback on how they did, what they could work on they can request it a follow-up appointment. It is sad that companies don’t do follow-up appointments when requested. Where I work you 8 out 10 times get a call you didn’t get the job but totally up to you to request an appointment to talk about it. Good luck and you are doing all the right things. Something big if out there waiting for you.

    • Grace
      March 23, 2018 / 3:41 pm

      Exactly like even an automated responce is helpful, just ignoring seems lazy and super unprofessional. Yeah that’s how it should be like I don’t blame them for not giving feedback straight away but emailing to reject someone and leaving it to them to request for feedback is the best way. Thank you, I really appreciate it. I’m hoping so!x

  9. March 23, 2018 / 7:20 pm

    Totally agree with this. I hate companies that don’t send you an email or a phone call just to update you on their decision. It’s horrible as you spend days waiting and then, nothing. It’s horrible and I think if they decline you, they should at least give you some feedback as to why they made that decision. Good post gal, loved it xxx

    • Grace
      March 28, 2018 / 8:50 pm

      Thank you for the comment gal! Glad it’s not just me feeling this way, it’s so disheartening to not hear anything back xxx

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